Oh wow!! It's June....but mid June. And there are so many changes.
I'll start at the beginning. Chad (my Alaska Dad) sat me down and called me out on my crap. If you don't have someone in your life who does this - find one, if you have someone - keep them. The brutal honesty and insight Chad has comes in the most loving way, he asks questions that cause me to reflect and give an account for my thought processes and actions and he then lines it up biblically and points out the inconsistencies and encourages change. These sessions are brutal because I can't get away with being a mere listener.
So there I was perched on the couch, wanting to avoid the conversation to escape the vulnerability and accountability but I also was excited for it because I knew that I needed it.
The result: I came to the acceptance that I haven't been living my life in a fashion that is mindful of God and that due to that, I was "chasing after the wind" looking for satisfaction and fulfillment and identity in things that aren't that important.
That next day: I did something radical.
I quit my job. I put my two weeks in and decided to put off my own selfish desires to work again at Solid Rock Bible Camp. I am here to grow. I am here to serve. Quitting my job was easy. The deciding to commit to camp was difficult. I could have had a fun summer, playing softball, fishing, babysitting and just generally hanging out. But I have committed to something greater. I have committed the next nine weeks to getting to know God. To telling kids about his love.
I am in the midst of training to be a lifeguard. I haven't had a strong desire to be a lifeguard ever but the opportunity arose and it was asked of me by several people for several reasons to consider it. I, being a helper, and one who likes a challenge went for it. It has been a humbling experience. I was a distressed swimmer potential active drownder as a child which I believe has lead to a mental block of diving to the bottom of the deep end.... I also made a connection of this to my not liking my face under the faucet in the shower. Anyways, I struggled and fought with my self worth. I was pissed that out of 9, I was the only one who couldn't get it. So I got out of the pool, punched a wall, took a deep breath and accepted it. I then got a 10# brick and started sinking myself in the shallow water to acclimate myself...its getting easier. However I am going for a "shallow water lifeguard" certification. Don't laugh, it sounds lame but I could save your life sometime....
Today was the staff swim test. It includes swamping a canoe and swimming across the deep end of the swimming area. However, for the lifeguard trainees, we had to do a line search. Starting elbow to elbow we dove straight down and searched the murky bottom with our hands and eyes. The actual process is complex. It's given me a sense of accomplishment and strength and great responsibility. It's not official yet as I still have CPR and First Aid as well as the exam. I'm part of a team though, the 9 of us are a crew.
Anyways, camp officially starts tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to it. Feel free to send me a letter at:
36251 Solid Rock Rd #1
Soldotna, AK 99669
Here's to summer 2014!
Much Love!!
Rach
