Lessons Learned

I can hardly believe it's been a month since I've left Alaska, by now I'm sure the summer sun is setting by 8 or 9, robbing it's followers of their dance. I know I feel robbed without the multitude of daylight in my favor, but I press on. (Good grief, the drama in this post!! haha) For the last week and a half I have been with my grandparents, helping out around the house, and assisting in their care. It's been eye opening for me as my granddad has dementia and the reality of his struggle to hold onto information in a conversation hit me harder than expected. I blindly went into these two weeks thinking I was seasoned, as I had worked with Seniors (many of whom struggled with memory loss.) But the impact of not being remembered or of constantly having to answer for not finding an Eskimo in Alaska to marry or bring home was wearisome. I'm thankful for the time with him, though, especially breakfast,or brunch because we rarely ate before 10:30/11. He was in true form of his character, pushing the oranges on me because "they're good for what ails you" and reminding me that if I were to walk away from the table hungry that it was my fault and if there were leftovers they would be served for the next meal. :)

I have found time to slip away and venture out and figure out what this little town called Kalispell has to offer and so far - a quaint little coffee shop called Colter Coffee, it's pretty hipster but it's got the best cup of coffee I've had since my last cup of Kaladi's and the staff here are wonderful. I also searched high and low for yarn shops and have found two!! the projects are piling up, luckily, I have the time and the energy to stay busy. In Whitefish, I channeled my inner child, bought a loaf of bread and headed to the docks on the river where my brothers and I would go with my Grampa to feed the ducks. :)

The logistics of work and life are summed up as follows. Jobs applied for: 4 Apartments applied for: 1 the search continues, the hunt is strong.

This isn't how this post was supposed to flow so let's get down to it.

With the abundance of down time I have, mostly spent by myself, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this chapter in life. Reflect on where I've come, what brought me here and where I want to go. Through this time memories have flooded my soul of heart conversations with some of the most influential people in my life thus far. These lessons, at the time weren't directed at me, but I was attentive and present all the same. These lessons spoke to relationships, to life's focus and the driving forces that I let guide my direction. These lessons are things that I know have to apply. I feel like for so long, I have stood on the coattails of others, making sure that my actions met the expectations of my friends, my family, my employer regardless of my inner agreement to them - because keeping a smile on my face and keeping the peace is easier than to wade through the muck and bullsh*t. Prime example. I was asked "How are you?" I out of practice said, "I'm good." My simple robotic response was flagged with a follow up of "really?" answering honestly, "actually no. I'm really tired, it's been a hard week." The "I'm good" is a front, to refrain exposing myself - it has been for years. Another conversation that has recently been brought to my memory was one in 2011 that I finally understand, I was asked if my relationship with my best friend is a good one FOR me. Is the relationship healthy, is it producing fruit in my life that are good or is there poison. I still believe and forever will that yes, it is. But I have since applied that question to the other relationships in my life, I have my pruner in hand and am ready to purge my life of those rotten relationships. My focus is on the cross. Today I was reading from Romans 6. Romans 6:16 spoke loudly to my soul "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness." then in verse 21, "But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."

So I challenge you, whoever you may be. Test the fruit in your life; is it good to eat nourishing and enriching you or is it rotten and by entertaining it are poisoning yourself?

Much Love,
Rach