Lessons Learned

I can hardly believe it's been a month since I've left Alaska, by now I'm sure the summer sun is setting by 8 or 9, robbing it's followers of their dance. I know I feel robbed without the multitude of daylight in my favor, but I press on. (Good grief, the drama in this post!! haha) For the last week and a half I have been with my grandparents, helping out around the house, and assisting in their care. It's been eye opening for me as my granddad has dementia and the reality of his struggle to hold onto information in a conversation hit me harder than expected. I blindly went into these two weeks thinking I was seasoned, as I had worked with Seniors (many of whom struggled with memory loss.) But the impact of not being remembered or of constantly having to answer for not finding an Eskimo in Alaska to marry or bring home was wearisome. I'm thankful for the time with him, though, especially breakfast,or brunch because we rarely ate before 10:30/11. He was in true form of his character, pushing the oranges on me because "they're good for what ails you" and reminding me that if I were to walk away from the table hungry that it was my fault and if there were leftovers they would be served for the next meal. :)

I have found time to slip away and venture out and figure out what this little town called Kalispell has to offer and so far - a quaint little coffee shop called Colter Coffee, it's pretty hipster but it's got the best cup of coffee I've had since my last cup of Kaladi's and the staff here are wonderful. I also searched high and low for yarn shops and have found two!! the projects are piling up, luckily, I have the time and the energy to stay busy. In Whitefish, I channeled my inner child, bought a loaf of bread and headed to the docks on the river where my brothers and I would go with my Grampa to feed the ducks. :)

The logistics of work and life are summed up as follows. Jobs applied for: 4 Apartments applied for: 1 the search continues, the hunt is strong.

This isn't how this post was supposed to flow so let's get down to it.

With the abundance of down time I have, mostly spent by myself, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this chapter in life. Reflect on where I've come, what brought me here and where I want to go. Through this time memories have flooded my soul of heart conversations with some of the most influential people in my life thus far. These lessons, at the time weren't directed at me, but I was attentive and present all the same. These lessons spoke to relationships, to life's focus and the driving forces that I let guide my direction. These lessons are things that I know have to apply. I feel like for so long, I have stood on the coattails of others, making sure that my actions met the expectations of my friends, my family, my employer regardless of my inner agreement to them - because keeping a smile on my face and keeping the peace is easier than to wade through the muck and bullsh*t. Prime example. I was asked "How are you?" I out of practice said, "I'm good." My simple robotic response was flagged with a follow up of "really?" answering honestly, "actually no. I'm really tired, it's been a hard week." The "I'm good" is a front, to refrain exposing myself - it has been for years. Another conversation that has recently been brought to my memory was one in 2011 that I finally understand, I was asked if my relationship with my best friend is a good one FOR me. Is the relationship healthy, is it producing fruit in my life that are good or is there poison. I still believe and forever will that yes, it is. But I have since applied that question to the other relationships in my life, I have my pruner in hand and am ready to purge my life of those rotten relationships. My focus is on the cross. Today I was reading from Romans 6. Romans 6:16 spoke loudly to my soul "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness." then in verse 21, "But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."

So I challenge you, whoever you may be. Test the fruit in your life; is it good to eat nourishing and enriching you or is it rotten and by entertaining it are poisoning yourself?

Much Love,
Rach

Fall Upon Us

I have made it back to the lower 48, back to Montana, and for the time being - back to Bozeman. I left Alaska on the 18th of August and after 50 hours of driving, my friends and I arrived in Washington. My bestie and I spent the next 4 days in Portland, OR hanging out with a dear friend from our growing up days. We went to the zoo, played at my most favorite place on the planet: the beach and had other ridiculous adventures.

I have been in Bozeman for a week and have drawn these conclusions. 1. hiking with out the fear of bear is wonderful. 2. it's too hot here, i'm increasingly ready for fall temps. 3. Bozeman no longer holds that "home" feeling but rather feelings of being stuck.

Quick Hits about my current ways of spending the time:
I am in the midst of searching for employment and housing in Missoula.
I am teaching myself to play guitar.
I still want a therapy dog.
Finding a decent cup of coffee around here is the most difficult challenge. (KBC - I miss you and your Kaladi Americano)
EVERYTHING IS CHEAP!!
Facebook and Pinterest absorb my time and energy as I continue to refuse turning on the TV.

For all of you that know about my longstanding cough. I finally went to the Dr. and was prescribed an antibiotic for a Bacterial infection in my lungs. Once I started that script, I was attached by what seemed to be a sinus and ear infection, but as I continue with the meds, all the symptoms seem to be going down as well. I cough less frequently (but still violently) and the ear pain and the throat pain and the stuffiness are subsiding.

My goals are still very much to first find a solid church. second join a bible study and third find someone to disciple me. I am looking forward to this coming Sunday and returning to the church I have attended for over a year (previous to my adventures in Alaska)

Well, despite having my resume updated, I still have to apply for a few jobs and look for apartments.

Much Love,
Rach

Week 1

First week of camp completed!! It was a primary camp where the kids were 7 and 8 years old. I had 8 out of 32 campers. We slept in a covered wagon and it rained for most of the time, but you all know that I don't mind that much. I wasn't partial to being cold though.

I'm some kind of tired though being up by 645 and not going to be until midnight or so. This makes Saturday's a joy when I can be in bed by 8 or 9. (although it's 9pm now and I'm not in bed)

This week drew parallels between working for PCHS and Camp with the major outlier being the subject of Jesus Christ. It's wonderful being able to share the good news without getting a snide comment or look and not feeling the fear of being caught. I thought to myself, this is an environment I enjoy.

Anyways, this is a short and sweet update.

Much Love,
Rach

Summer 2014

Oh wow!! It's June....but mid June. And there are so many changes.

I'll start at the beginning. Chad (my Alaska Dad) sat me down and called me out on my crap. If you don't have someone in your life who does this - find one, if you have someone - keep them. The brutal honesty and insight Chad has comes in the most loving way, he asks questions that cause me to reflect and give an account for my thought processes and actions and he then lines it up biblically and points out the inconsistencies and encourages change. These sessions are brutal because I can't get away with being a mere listener.

So there I was perched on the couch, wanting to avoid the conversation to escape the vulnerability and accountability but I also was excited for it because I knew that I needed it.

The result: I came to the acceptance that I haven't been living my life in a fashion that is mindful of God and that due to that, I was "chasing after the wind" looking for satisfaction and fulfillment and identity in things that aren't that important.

That next day: I did something radical.

I quit my job. I put my two weeks in and decided to put off my own selfish desires to work again at Solid Rock Bible Camp. I am here to grow. I am here to serve. Quitting my job was easy. The deciding to commit to camp was difficult. I could have had a fun summer, playing softball, fishing, babysitting and just generally hanging out. But I have committed to something greater. I have committed the next nine weeks to getting to know God. To telling kids about his love.

I am in the midst of training to be a lifeguard. I haven't had a strong desire to be a lifeguard ever but the opportunity arose and it was asked of me by several people for several reasons to consider it. I, being a helper, and one who likes a challenge went for it. It has been a humbling experience. I was a distressed swimmer potential active drownder as a child which I believe has lead to a mental block of diving to the bottom of the deep end.... I also made a connection of this to my not liking my face under the faucet in the shower. Anyways, I struggled and fought with my self worth. I was pissed that out of 9, I was the only one who couldn't get it. So I got out of the pool, punched a wall, took a deep breath and accepted it. I then got a 10# brick and started sinking myself in the shallow water to acclimate myself...its getting easier. However I am going for a "shallow water lifeguard" certification. Don't laugh, it sounds lame but I could save your life sometime....

Today was the staff swim test. It includes swamping a canoe and swimming across the deep end of the swimming area. However, for the lifeguard trainees, we had to do a line search. Starting elbow to elbow we dove straight down and searched the murky bottom with our hands and eyes. The actual process is complex.  It's given me a sense of accomplishment and strength and great responsibility.  It's not official yet as I still have CPR and First Aid as well as the exam. I'm part of a team though, the 9 of us are a crew.

Anyways, camp officially starts tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to it. Feel free to send me a letter at:

36251 Solid Rock Rd #1
Soldotna, AK 99669

Here's to summer 2014!

Much Love!!
Rach

Maintain Consciousness

How has the time escaped me? How has it been a year since celebrating a beautiful couple devoting themselves to each other for life. Congratulations Laurynn and James on your 1st Anniversary of Holy Matrimony!! :)

But here's an update, School's out for the summer. It ended on Wednesday and my goodness, I'm certain the children would have been out for blood if it was any longer. HAHA, but I kid you not, all the students were loco crazy, unable to focus. I found myself in wonder about it not being so long ago that it was I in their shoes, itching to be outside, wiggling in my chair counting down the minutes for that final bell to signal the sweet sweet freedom of summer vacation.

I have gotten asked what I will be doing this summer now that school is out and here's the deal. I am still working with clients as we transition into a summer program that continues to offer support and therapeutic activities over the summer days to build continuity into their lives. I move into a 4 - 10hr day schedule freeing up my weekends for ample fishing, hiking and iced coffee drinking!

If you are friends of mine on Facebook, you have probably seen my constant updates of a fire in the area and honestly, folks, it's a little scary. What started out last week as a campfire that wasn't put out all the way has now consumed over 100,000 acres and is still raging. With the dry conditions and high winds, it hasn't been getting better. Thankfully most of the burn has occurred in the Wildlife Refuge and the new vegetation that will result will promote moose populations. However, evacuations have been issued and people are at risk of losing their homes and possessions. If you are the praying kind, please be praying for safety for the fire fighters, helo and air supports as well as the families. Pray also for rain. The whole state needs it, but the aid it would bring to smoldering out this fire as it's only 20% contained. If you want to keep updated and informed, Google: Funny River Fire.

I will be posting again shortly. But for now, my room needs some serious TLC.

Much Love,
Rachel

Warriors with Childlike Tenaciousness

As I have said before, my job is quite taxing. Mentally. Emotionally. Sometimes even physically. This week was no exception. Monday was the Monday of Mondays and the rest of the week always seemed like it should have be Friday. The week wasn't difficult with clients, but more with conflict with staff and the stress of getting prepared for Summer Program. Earlier in the week I emailed Becky a subject line reading: SELF CARE and the body of the message: Paint Fight.

Words can't really describe what occurred in the events leading up to but basically we were in clothes waiting to be trashed, a leaky super soaker with watered down paint, a paper plate full of paint and the rest in a bag....driving around finding the perfect location - which of course was on the other side of a NO TRESPASSING sign.

From that point on - the pictures can speak for themselves.



Youthful Exuberance. Bliss. I haven't laughed this hard for weeks. It was very therapeutic and good for the soul. What happened next astonished me. Becky said, "hey! let's go to Fred's and conduct a social experiment." So off we went, still wet with our outrageous paint job and the reactions that ensued were shocking. Some disheartening. Others were encouraging, inspiring. They all held one thing in common: they were all REAL. We were passed by individuals whose gaze was locked straight ahead, not daring to challenge our eyes, not willing to match our smiles. One gentleman, said "WOAH! gave us a thumbs up." Multiple asked if we had just finished a color run. A few teenage girls gasped an OMG!! and later when a third party mutual friend joined them and called me out to say "hi" I of course took the opportunity to make a conversation out of it. One guy asked us to not paint his house. Children looked quizically and asked their parents for reasoning. I ran into school staff who praised us! (I can't wait for Monday afternoon). The best part was listening to Becky rally off "Bucket List: Check Mark!" while she swung her finger in the air and encouraged others to have their own.

Yes, we had a paint fight. Yes, for the hell of it. To laugh and for just because. There is far too much seriousness and rigidity in the world. As a single woman in her 20s on a Friday night, I want to be an example that fun can be had in very simple and innocent ways, ways that I would wager most people at one point in their life wanted to partake in but didn't because they couldn't step outside of conformity and comfort and pride. Was this silly? ABSOLUTELY. Was this childlike? 100%. Would I do it again? Becky and I are already planning a mudd fight before the ground dries up.

Much Love,
Rach

BreakUp

BreakUp Season to an Alaskan would be Spring in Layman's Terms to the rest of us "48ers". The rivers start flowing a little faster, and deeper. The snow melts, creating pot holes and mud puddles the size of my jeep!! The sun stays out later and later, daylight lasting upwards 14.5 hours. Temps rise around 45 degrees, slight breeze, but the real kicker is the absence of Alaska's State Bird: the Mosquito. I find myself stopping, turning, facing the sun and letting it warm my face, every opportunity that may come. Thankfully, that comes frequently as my office is set outside of the school :) I can't get over the smell though, this town stinks, not of manure on a farm either (one of Bozeman's finer qualities) but of poop. Dog poop. BLICK! Have I written about this before? FUDGE. clearly, I need some ideas about what to write about.

Much Love,
Rachel