Housekeeping Life Lessons: 1

There was a gentleman who moved into the facility not too long before I moved to Alaska. He was never a rude man, just very quiet, keeping to himself. I would often say "hi" in passing with a smile and no return of recognition of existence in return. I thought, maybe he was extremely hard of hearing, so I would speak louder and slower. Occasionally I would get eye contact. PROGRESS!!! Anyways, today, I had the pleasure of cleaning his apartment and the entire time He talked about this that and the next. The health issues of his wife, how the health industry handles cancer and some lady in Canada that made an herbal solution that healed him from his cancer and his craft (most of it I didn't understand quite honestly). I was a little taken back by it especially by the time I was finished when he seemed sad that I was leaving.

Maybe this man is just lonely?
Maybe he is frustrated with the lack of ease in conversation. IE: hearing loss, loss of voice control as far as volume.....
Maybe this that or the next but one thing I am sure of.....

Is that for each of my residents that are present when I am cleaning, for the 30-45 minutes I am there, in some fashion, I am their companion. Their confidant. And that is pretty cool.


Much Love,
Rach

where my mind wanders

Most nights I am able to fall asleep fairly quickly and allow my subconscious to rule the night with thoughts that allow only minimal rest. Then there are nights like tonight where my mind is consciously writhing in deep thought, searching for answers and truth about something that happened last week.

A friend of mine, Joanna and I are reading through 1 Kings and we discussed the first 3 chapters. In chapter 3 God allows King Solomon to ask for whatever he wants. God literally comes to him in a dream and says, "Ask what I can give you." (1 Kings 3:5 ESV). Solomon, who was new to being King, asked for wisdom to discern between good and evil to govern the people.

This is what I was pondering this night, when I was hoping to be sleeping. I was considering, the daily life application of Solomon's request. The heart attitude of Solomon, who had a substantial authority over a large sum of people asked how to be a good leader. He didn't ask for riches or fame or _________________. So then, I asked myself, if given the opportunity to ask for anything, with the guarantee that I would get it, what would I ask for? Would I have the same heart attitude as Solomon or would I be self seeking. I was then reminded of an incident that happened at camp this summer, where 2 girls were both wanting sweatshirts but both were short of funds. One was a few dollars short and stated she would be willing to work around camp to pay off the difference where as the other girl who was more than half short, wasn't. Heart Attitude. Which spun me into my outlook at my current position as a housekeeper at an Assisted Living facility. It's not a glamorous job by any means. I bust my butt, making beds, laundering sheets, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing toilets, moping floors - the works. It would be easy for me to check out, mentally. Pop in my headphones and crank out my work and be done with it...OR...I could be open to receiving life lessons. What it means to be a servant. What it means to have a servant's heart.

Then I started broadening my scope. What areas of life when there are choices to make am I selfishly thinking of me first and not others? Or more importantly without a mindfulness of God? Sadly, this reality is most of the time, even in the little things.


Much Love,
Rachel




On a side note, this passage of Scripture points to how God is a relational God. He cares for us and allows us to make choices. (Finish reading Chapter 3 of 1 Kings)

collections

For most of you, you know that Organization is something that I struggle with to the depths of my core.

I could use help! I have papers from high school that I have held onto for who knows what reason. I have text books that I keep for "just in case". I have piles of books that I have wanted to read since high school and magazines that I looked through only once or twice. Don't get me started on the knickknacks of dried flowers, music boxes, and other trinkets. I find myself making ground in one area to only discover a domineering pile standing behind me. I'm trying to be thorough since a lot of this stuff hasn't been touched in the last year much less thought about. In which case, it's time for it to go.

How did I get this way? How did I get to be such a collector of junk. I mean really, I have receipts from my trip to Costa Rica in 2011 which at the time, I was like, "OMG I'm going to scrapbook these and keep them forever...because that one time when I bought __(fill in the item here)__." But now, I am wondering what the point of it was, because the pictures and the memories of actually doing things are so much better than a receipt typed in Spanish. <- maybe this is one of my quirks of sentiment. God help the man that wants to marry me!

I have had this idea of getting a binder to organize my monthly expenses in a really cool fashion with calendars in a Type A fashion and it's been a year since my attempt and desire for that was lit......

I have no methods of being organized which means I have no skills to remain organized once I obtain a level of order in this current state of chaos. So what I say I could use help, this is me, begging in desperation for tips, suggestions, motivation.

Much Love,
Rachel

testing

Hey guys, I'm here at AT&T looking at a tablet promotion. Not sure what to think about it. Thoughts?

Lessons Learned

I can hardly believe it's been a month since I've left Alaska, by now I'm sure the summer sun is setting by 8 or 9, robbing it's followers of their dance. I know I feel robbed without the multitude of daylight in my favor, but I press on. (Good grief, the drama in this post!! haha) For the last week and a half I have been with my grandparents, helping out around the house, and assisting in their care. It's been eye opening for me as my granddad has dementia and the reality of his struggle to hold onto information in a conversation hit me harder than expected. I blindly went into these two weeks thinking I was seasoned, as I had worked with Seniors (many of whom struggled with memory loss.) But the impact of not being remembered or of constantly having to answer for not finding an Eskimo in Alaska to marry or bring home was wearisome. I'm thankful for the time with him, though, especially breakfast,or brunch because we rarely ate before 10:30/11. He was in true form of his character, pushing the oranges on me because "they're good for what ails you" and reminding me that if I were to walk away from the table hungry that it was my fault and if there were leftovers they would be served for the next meal. :)

I have found time to slip away and venture out and figure out what this little town called Kalispell has to offer and so far - a quaint little coffee shop called Colter Coffee, it's pretty hipster but it's got the best cup of coffee I've had since my last cup of Kaladi's and the staff here are wonderful. I also searched high and low for yarn shops and have found two!! the projects are piling up, luckily, I have the time and the energy to stay busy. In Whitefish, I channeled my inner child, bought a loaf of bread and headed to the docks on the river where my brothers and I would go with my Grampa to feed the ducks. :)

The logistics of work and life are summed up as follows. Jobs applied for: 4 Apartments applied for: 1 the search continues, the hunt is strong.

This isn't how this post was supposed to flow so let's get down to it.

With the abundance of down time I have, mostly spent by myself, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this chapter in life. Reflect on where I've come, what brought me here and where I want to go. Through this time memories have flooded my soul of heart conversations with some of the most influential people in my life thus far. These lessons, at the time weren't directed at me, but I was attentive and present all the same. These lessons spoke to relationships, to life's focus and the driving forces that I let guide my direction. These lessons are things that I know have to apply. I feel like for so long, I have stood on the coattails of others, making sure that my actions met the expectations of my friends, my family, my employer regardless of my inner agreement to them - because keeping a smile on my face and keeping the peace is easier than to wade through the muck and bullsh*t. Prime example. I was asked "How are you?" I out of practice said, "I'm good." My simple robotic response was flagged with a follow up of "really?" answering honestly, "actually no. I'm really tired, it's been a hard week." The "I'm good" is a front, to refrain exposing myself - it has been for years. Another conversation that has recently been brought to my memory was one in 2011 that I finally understand, I was asked if my relationship with my best friend is a good one FOR me. Is the relationship healthy, is it producing fruit in my life that are good or is there poison. I still believe and forever will that yes, it is. But I have since applied that question to the other relationships in my life, I have my pruner in hand and am ready to purge my life of those rotten relationships. My focus is on the cross. Today I was reading from Romans 6. Romans 6:16 spoke loudly to my soul "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness." then in verse 21, "But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."

So I challenge you, whoever you may be. Test the fruit in your life; is it good to eat nourishing and enriching you or is it rotten and by entertaining it are poisoning yourself?

Much Love,
Rach

Fall Upon Us

I have made it back to the lower 48, back to Montana, and for the time being - back to Bozeman. I left Alaska on the 18th of August and after 50 hours of driving, my friends and I arrived in Washington. My bestie and I spent the next 4 days in Portland, OR hanging out with a dear friend from our growing up days. We went to the zoo, played at my most favorite place on the planet: the beach and had other ridiculous adventures.

I have been in Bozeman for a week and have drawn these conclusions. 1. hiking with out the fear of bear is wonderful. 2. it's too hot here, i'm increasingly ready for fall temps. 3. Bozeman no longer holds that "home" feeling but rather feelings of being stuck.

Quick Hits about my current ways of spending the time:
I am in the midst of searching for employment and housing in Missoula.
I am teaching myself to play guitar.
I still want a therapy dog.
Finding a decent cup of coffee around here is the most difficult challenge. (KBC - I miss you and your Kaladi Americano)
EVERYTHING IS CHEAP!!
Facebook and Pinterest absorb my time and energy as I continue to refuse turning on the TV.

For all of you that know about my longstanding cough. I finally went to the Dr. and was prescribed an antibiotic for a Bacterial infection in my lungs. Once I started that script, I was attached by what seemed to be a sinus and ear infection, but as I continue with the meds, all the symptoms seem to be going down as well. I cough less frequently (but still violently) and the ear pain and the throat pain and the stuffiness are subsiding.

My goals are still very much to first find a solid church. second join a bible study and third find someone to disciple me. I am looking forward to this coming Sunday and returning to the church I have attended for over a year (previous to my adventures in Alaska)

Well, despite having my resume updated, I still have to apply for a few jobs and look for apartments.

Much Love,
Rach

Week 1

First week of camp completed!! It was a primary camp where the kids were 7 and 8 years old. I had 8 out of 32 campers. We slept in a covered wagon and it rained for most of the time, but you all know that I don't mind that much. I wasn't partial to being cold though.

I'm some kind of tired though being up by 645 and not going to be until midnight or so. This makes Saturday's a joy when I can be in bed by 8 or 9. (although it's 9pm now and I'm not in bed)

This week drew parallels between working for PCHS and Camp with the major outlier being the subject of Jesus Christ. It's wonderful being able to share the good news without getting a snide comment or look and not feeling the fear of being caught. I thought to myself, this is an environment I enjoy.

Anyways, this is a short and sweet update.

Much Love,
Rach

Summer 2014

Oh wow!! It's June....but mid June. And there are so many changes.

I'll start at the beginning. Chad (my Alaska Dad) sat me down and called me out on my crap. If you don't have someone in your life who does this - find one, if you have someone - keep them. The brutal honesty and insight Chad has comes in the most loving way, he asks questions that cause me to reflect and give an account for my thought processes and actions and he then lines it up biblically and points out the inconsistencies and encourages change. These sessions are brutal because I can't get away with being a mere listener.

So there I was perched on the couch, wanting to avoid the conversation to escape the vulnerability and accountability but I also was excited for it because I knew that I needed it.

The result: I came to the acceptance that I haven't been living my life in a fashion that is mindful of God and that due to that, I was "chasing after the wind" looking for satisfaction and fulfillment and identity in things that aren't that important.

That next day: I did something radical.

I quit my job. I put my two weeks in and decided to put off my own selfish desires to work again at Solid Rock Bible Camp. I am here to grow. I am here to serve. Quitting my job was easy. The deciding to commit to camp was difficult. I could have had a fun summer, playing softball, fishing, babysitting and just generally hanging out. But I have committed to something greater. I have committed the next nine weeks to getting to know God. To telling kids about his love.

I am in the midst of training to be a lifeguard. I haven't had a strong desire to be a lifeguard ever but the opportunity arose and it was asked of me by several people for several reasons to consider it. I, being a helper, and one who likes a challenge went for it. It has been a humbling experience. I was a distressed swimmer potential active drownder as a child which I believe has lead to a mental block of diving to the bottom of the deep end.... I also made a connection of this to my not liking my face under the faucet in the shower. Anyways, I struggled and fought with my self worth. I was pissed that out of 9, I was the only one who couldn't get it. So I got out of the pool, punched a wall, took a deep breath and accepted it. I then got a 10# brick and started sinking myself in the shallow water to acclimate myself...its getting easier. However I am going for a "shallow water lifeguard" certification. Don't laugh, it sounds lame but I could save your life sometime....

Today was the staff swim test. It includes swamping a canoe and swimming across the deep end of the swimming area. However, for the lifeguard trainees, we had to do a line search. Starting elbow to elbow we dove straight down and searched the murky bottom with our hands and eyes. The actual process is complex.  It's given me a sense of accomplishment and strength and great responsibility.  It's not official yet as I still have CPR and First Aid as well as the exam. I'm part of a team though, the 9 of us are a crew.

Anyways, camp officially starts tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to it. Feel free to send me a letter at:

36251 Solid Rock Rd #1
Soldotna, AK 99669

Here's to summer 2014!

Much Love!!
Rach

Maintain Consciousness

How has the time escaped me? How has it been a year since celebrating a beautiful couple devoting themselves to each other for life. Congratulations Laurynn and James on your 1st Anniversary of Holy Matrimony!! :)

But here's an update, School's out for the summer. It ended on Wednesday and my goodness, I'm certain the children would have been out for blood if it was any longer. HAHA, but I kid you not, all the students were loco crazy, unable to focus. I found myself in wonder about it not being so long ago that it was I in their shoes, itching to be outside, wiggling in my chair counting down the minutes for that final bell to signal the sweet sweet freedom of summer vacation.

I have gotten asked what I will be doing this summer now that school is out and here's the deal. I am still working with clients as we transition into a summer program that continues to offer support and therapeutic activities over the summer days to build continuity into their lives. I move into a 4 - 10hr day schedule freeing up my weekends for ample fishing, hiking and iced coffee drinking!

If you are friends of mine on Facebook, you have probably seen my constant updates of a fire in the area and honestly, folks, it's a little scary. What started out last week as a campfire that wasn't put out all the way has now consumed over 100,000 acres and is still raging. With the dry conditions and high winds, it hasn't been getting better. Thankfully most of the burn has occurred in the Wildlife Refuge and the new vegetation that will result will promote moose populations. However, evacuations have been issued and people are at risk of losing their homes and possessions. If you are the praying kind, please be praying for safety for the fire fighters, helo and air supports as well as the families. Pray also for rain. The whole state needs it, but the aid it would bring to smoldering out this fire as it's only 20% contained. If you want to keep updated and informed, Google: Funny River Fire.

I will be posting again shortly. But for now, my room needs some serious TLC.

Much Love,
Rachel

Warriors with Childlike Tenaciousness

As I have said before, my job is quite taxing. Mentally. Emotionally. Sometimes even physically. This week was no exception. Monday was the Monday of Mondays and the rest of the week always seemed like it should have be Friday. The week wasn't difficult with clients, but more with conflict with staff and the stress of getting prepared for Summer Program. Earlier in the week I emailed Becky a subject line reading: SELF CARE and the body of the message: Paint Fight.

Words can't really describe what occurred in the events leading up to but basically we were in clothes waiting to be trashed, a leaky super soaker with watered down paint, a paper plate full of paint and the rest in a bag....driving around finding the perfect location - which of course was on the other side of a NO TRESPASSING sign.

From that point on - the pictures can speak for themselves.



Youthful Exuberance. Bliss. I haven't laughed this hard for weeks. It was very therapeutic and good for the soul. What happened next astonished me. Becky said, "hey! let's go to Fred's and conduct a social experiment." So off we went, still wet with our outrageous paint job and the reactions that ensued were shocking. Some disheartening. Others were encouraging, inspiring. They all held one thing in common: they were all REAL. We were passed by individuals whose gaze was locked straight ahead, not daring to challenge our eyes, not willing to match our smiles. One gentleman, said "WOAH! gave us a thumbs up." Multiple asked if we had just finished a color run. A few teenage girls gasped an OMG!! and later when a third party mutual friend joined them and called me out to say "hi" I of course took the opportunity to make a conversation out of it. One guy asked us to not paint his house. Children looked quizically and asked their parents for reasoning. I ran into school staff who praised us! (I can't wait for Monday afternoon). The best part was listening to Becky rally off "Bucket List: Check Mark!" while she swung her finger in the air and encouraged others to have their own.

Yes, we had a paint fight. Yes, for the hell of it. To laugh and for just because. There is far too much seriousness and rigidity in the world. As a single woman in her 20s on a Friday night, I want to be an example that fun can be had in very simple and innocent ways, ways that I would wager most people at one point in their life wanted to partake in but didn't because they couldn't step outside of conformity and comfort and pride. Was this silly? ABSOLUTELY. Was this childlike? 100%. Would I do it again? Becky and I are already planning a mudd fight before the ground dries up.

Much Love,
Rach

BreakUp

BreakUp Season to an Alaskan would be Spring in Layman's Terms to the rest of us "48ers". The rivers start flowing a little faster, and deeper. The snow melts, creating pot holes and mud puddles the size of my jeep!! The sun stays out later and later, daylight lasting upwards 14.5 hours. Temps rise around 45 degrees, slight breeze, but the real kicker is the absence of Alaska's State Bird: the Mosquito. I find myself stopping, turning, facing the sun and letting it warm my face, every opportunity that may come. Thankfully, that comes frequently as my office is set outside of the school :) I can't get over the smell though, this town stinks, not of manure on a farm either (one of Bozeman's finer qualities) but of poop. Dog poop. BLICK! Have I written about this before? FUDGE. clearly, I need some ideas about what to write about.

Much Love,
Rachel

Proclamation

I will take advantage of every sunny day after I get off work to soak up that Vit D and enjoy warmish sunny weather before the Mosquitoes suck out all the potential for enjoying such weather.

sincerely,
Rachel K. Rehbein




P.S. Much Love!!

Backpacking in the Backcountry

"Rachel, you seem like you are an outdoor kind of girl." - Laura remarked.

"well, I am but I just didn't have many opportunities to do this kind of stuff

I came to realize how much my heart doesn't match my head for a lot of things in life. A prime example would be the backpacking trip I took over the weekend. There was a Facebook chat open with us 4 adventurers, talking about who is bringing what and they (notice I didn't say "we") were listing things off: "I've got dinner" "breakfast and cooking equipment" "I'm bringing cookies and cards and TP" I said, "I'm so glad you all have it figured out" at this point I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into. Hiking, with a backpack on a bad foot?

oh yea, my foot. Let's back up to the beginning of the week. I went running Sunday and Monday with the hopes of getting semi in shape for the Beat Beethoven 5k in a few weeks in Fairbanks but during which I somehow did something to injure myself (and everyone shakes their head in pitiful sorrow and shame for my incredible ability to inflict accidental self harm.) Anyways, the pain in quite intense that walking has been made difficult for a week now. Yes, I went to the Dr. and what a waste of time and money!! No suggestions of care except - "don't run. and when you do run, take it easy." My flippant response, "No Shhhhht Sherlock."

Now let's flash forward to Friday, at work hobbling around, slightly stressing because, during my lunch break I go to the store for "lunch" but also to pick up sunglasses,water bottle, and protein bars. I get off the clock at 3:30, have a 10 minute drive home which along the way, I have to make a stop at the bestie's house to get her gear so that I have gear to go on this trip. I get packed and start thinking, "hmmmm, am I going to be warm enough? what exactly should I be taking? I feel like I wont be sharing the load with the others as I'm not bringing anything to share for the good of the group." Laura comes. She, Steph and I pile in my recently "cleaned" car. ahem* yes, so we pick up Val and are on our way. An hour later and we are at the parking lot strapping up and getting ready to go.

*snap* group selfie!! :) in order L to R: This writer, Laura, Steph and Val

And we were off, 4 miles to go! I used Nike+ on my phone to track our progress and instantly we were accompanied by Faure Op. 16. (I disagree that this piece is appropriate for running to, however, a lovely walk in the woods added to the ambiance.)

The trail was flat and hidden with snow and ice, so the ice cleats came in handy, especially when they were worn correctly. We came to a split in the Trail: summer or winter. Let's go winter! Straight through a swamp, marshland the perfect dwelling for Moose. The end of the trail was a lake. Frozen aside from where the river was running into it. The debate started, do we turn back or cross? On we went, crossing the lake with a "wabump" sound in the distance. It was a little eerie but it was the ice forming and shifting. Laura booked it across, leaving us behind. We shouted for her to have the fire going and dinner ready but that went unheard.

We made it to Barber cabin, 4 miles in 2 hours. Time to unload, eat and get warm. We were in bed by 10pm trying to get warm. I fell asleep first. Predictable. Breakfast soon came as did the realization of how sore we would all be for the rest of the weekend. We said farewell to the cozy cabin and started the hike out which we encountered the remains of an avalanche covering the trail.

At last we found ourselves back at the Jeep and all too excited to be sitting for the next hour on the drive back home.

Sightings:
Bears: None
Moose: None
Other Wildlife: None
People: Enough

The next trip sounds like it could be a sea kayak trip across the cove in Homer, AK. :)

So why doesn't my head match my heart? Because, my heart loves and longs for the outdoors and these adventures but my head has no knowledge of how to pack, or what gear is needed. I only own cotton, and tennis shoes.

But anyways, This chick is signing off to take a snooze before the work week begins again.
Much Love,
Rachel

Cravings

And not of the food variety; but for life. For experience.

I found myself in a bookstore today in downtown Bozeman scanning the shelves for anything, nothing in particular. Only a few things stood out amongst the masses. I'm a self declared book whore which I take to mean I collect them, regardless of age, binding, cover, if their pages hold a story in type or if they lay in wait for nonsensical thoughts to be penned down, I want it.  This entry too got its beginning as chicken scratch in a blank note book comprised of compressed trees.

I at any given time have a stack of books long awaiting their time to be turned over, exposing their own brilliance and beauty in the magnitude of secrecy, truth and adventure they hold.

So why don't I read more??

Because I crave experiences not just of reading but writing and creating something with paint or yarn, of exploring the wild through hiking and fishing. And I crave human interaction. Spending time with others, sharing laughter and tears and fits of rage through stories and rants and questions.

And finding a balance for all of this is a massive struggle which I'm searching for ways to enjoy and partake in each without overly neglecting the next.

Your suggestions are most welcome.
Much Love,
Rach

Analogies try 2 (the first wouldn't post)

I know I have mentioned in previous posts about flow. I was struck by it again last week but it wasn't my typical creative artistic flow and desire to pick up my brushes to lay out a outdoor scene. It came in two forms: first was through drawing, abstract (for me anyways) using color as a means to further extract meaning and depth of understanding that the paper was saturated with. Has your coocoo alarm sounded yet? Mine did, but I guess each has the responsibility to credit or dismiss such inspiration on their own accord. I read into it enough to gain truths about myself that were somewhat known to me and familiar, just seeing them illustrated was a little bizarre.

The second was during an early morning routine at work where I casually grab a Rubik cube and manipulate it, twisting and turning it trying to put it right again. This perplexing moment, a bitterly sour question arose in my stomach: can a Rubik's cube ever be made whole again? This question and this Rubik cube went deeper than just a child's toy, for me it began to appear as a reflection of the lives of those I work with, children, who many have been exposed to neglect and abuse.  I probed my coworker and this was our conversation:

Can a Rubik cube ever be made whole again?

B - I don't think so....a Rubik's cube is a metaphor for life... if you manhandle it enough to the point it breaks.... it will never be whole again.

And while it isn't broken, it still twists and turns and morphs and changes with the influence of those around it - but isn't whole or perfect.

B - exactly. Some people are able to get to the Rubik's secrets with ease, while others struggle... unable to ever figure it out... at times people treat the cube with such frustration that they vow never to try and solve it's problem while others swear not to until they finish the task.

I understand that some of my friends and family and other readers many think I'm delusional or in the wrong line of work for being a firm believer in Biblical truth yet being fully submerged into a world of psychology. Yes, I get it. Those two worlds don't mesh, they repel the other. But this is my position. According to Luke 5, Jesus states: “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

Yes, I'm not outwardly allowed to proclaim Christ, unless initiated by a client. Yes, if given the opportunity to (which has occurred) I will take it. Yes, I will gladly risk being written up and fired for proclaiming my faith in Christ. And finally, yes, I do believe that my clients are able to see the love of Christ in me and through me. There is a quote that says: people will forget the words you have said, but they will never forget they way you made them feel.

These kids need love and consistency and healthy/appropriate boundaries. And if I can find abstract ways to teach and show them these things while prayerfully offering my time and interactions with these kiddos to the Lord - then you better believe I will bust my butt for these kids.

Much Love,
Rachel

Home Sweet Home

Montana will always hold a sentimental homey feeling, regardless of where I spend my final days. (This isn't my eulogy, I swear).

Bozeman will hold the memories of hiking and laughter and many graduations. Bozeman will be where this childish girl began to grow into a woman, where dreams where dreamed and platforms to launch those dreams were created.

Missoula will always be home to the wrong school, regardless of their winning record (sorry, Dad). It will be the land of Hoagieville and cheese fries and root beer spins. Where people surf the river and hippies dance the streets. Cant forget Madison River Brewing Co.

The Flathead (Kalispell and Whitefish) will be full of regrets of not cherishing my grandparents until I was no longer a child.  It has been within the last 5 trips that I have come to appreciate and look forward to seeing Grandma and Granddad and my Gramps. And "oh my gosh" this of course includes my crazy aunts (crazy because they are chalk full of life and spunk).

Helena is land of the uncles and aunts and cousins.

I have spent the last week and a half visiting with family and friends, young and old. Reminiscing the laundry list of "remember when.." Making new memories, like sitting in Perkins playing games, getting scolded by my grandma for forgetting the beer and shopping with mom till my legs couldn't take another step.

Montana isn't my "old" home, it is home. These memories, these people, these places are home. So until I see you again, I carry you in my heart.

Much Love,
Rachel

Making Connections

I have flown enough to know the dynamics of uncomfortably sitting centimeters away from another person, if you are lucky enough to get the window or aisle seat otherwise you are sandwiched. Your options; engage in conversation with this stranger or plug in the tunes, fall asleep or pretend you can't hear or speak English. I tend for the latter. Give me my tunes, my beats, and my zzz's. But today was different, I engaged and from it came stories and laughter and a connection with another human being. We laughed until the other snorted, we shared experiences and knowledge and trivial things, there was empathy and encouragement and praise and education. There was a sense of vulnerability in it for me, as I tend to keep people at a safe distance, especially strangers. Today was good though, it was growth. It was me being socially assertive (in part due to lack of sleep.) It was revealed to me a sense of insecurity I have in myself as the gentleman pointed out I covered my face in my hands or shirt every time I laughed and smiled. He pointed it out with a gentle concern.

I'm appreciative of this time.

On another note!! I'm in the snowy 406!!! And its about 45 to 50 degrees colder here than it is in Alaska. And here I was thinking it was "spring break" well played Montana, well played.

So freaking excited to see and hang out with my friends and family!!!!

Much Love!
Rach

See You All Soon!!!

The Time I Escaped Death

STORY TIME!!!!

So Becky (my coworker and friend) and I decide to go to Anchorage on Saturday. We gassed up my jeep, got coffee and we were off! Jammin' out to Boyce Avenue and anyone else we demanded to rock our ear drums along the way. Being me, and having the parents I do - I of course do a road conditions check and it looked good, with the chance of running into some snowy roads along the way. Well, there was no heads up of the snowplows on the road kicking up thick clouds that seemed impassable, I questioned if it was safe and worth the slower speeds to continue on - but thank goodness after a ways of torturous slow speeds, the plows pulled off and we were back on track. Speaking of tracks - Becky had this FANTASTIC idea (hint the sarcasm - and foreshadowing)to climb rocks on the ocean side of the highway. I pulled over when advised and we hopped out of the car, waiting patiently to cross the highway over the guardrail (I stopped here - following my gut feeling that it wasn't a great idea) down the snow covered rock trench over the railroad and ascending a icy rock formation. I took pictures from my safe distance. Anyways, 10 seconds after Becky had crossed back over the tracks this train came whizzing by! all the while I'm shouting for Becky to pick up the pace, she's laughing and fixing her hair - but then she looks up and realizes her near death encounter and gasps! My response, "YOU ALMOST GOT CREAMED BY A TRAIN AND I, I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE POOPED THEN PUKED."

So we cross back over the highway and I smiled to myself praising me for listening to my own intuition and my Jiminy Cricket. We made it to Anchorage and it seemed as though every intersection was a near collision - I HATE the city and traffic and driving. And why are streets 5 lane 1 way. Traffic flows just as well going both directions in single or double lanes people!! We hit up each and every stop we wanted to and then it was time to go home. BUT oh snap! it's snowing, kinda hard. LAME. Good thing it was ingrained in my brain to drive as the conditioned allowed for and for what I felt safe. Thanks Dad! For those of you who have never driven from Anchorage to Soldotna, there is only 1 turn. That's it. Other than that it's a straight shot (obviously this includes the natural curves in the roadway) BUT ONE TURN - the intersection is lit with supposedly 3 BIG GREEN SIGNS....that I missed. ALL OF THEM. (They didn't exist that night...I'm convinced.)

So we are driving along and I casually say, "Hmmmm, I didn't see a speed limit but there are a lot of houses, I feel like I should slow down a bit"
Becky, who was texting looks up and starts FREAKING OUT! "why is there a bus stop sign? there is no bus stops on the way to Soldotna"
"But Becky," I say reassuringly, "it's Alaska, there are trees and homes on the road normally anyways, of course there are school bus stops"
"NOT LIKE THIS!!! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!! WE ARE LOST OMG WE ARE LOST WE ARE IN SEWARD." and she keeps going on and on and at first I thought she was playing to my absolute fear of the dark and being lost in the wilderness and the gremlins - I started panicking too both of us just yelling and screaming and then Becky thinks of the genius idea to pull over and flag down the coming car.
I looked at her and said "DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!?!"
She looked back "No, I just want to go home"
I called James, he laughed and got us squared away. despite our detour, we didn't lose much time. :)

the end!
Much Love,
Rach

Deaf Ears?

Has my blog landed upon deaf ears or blinded eyes? Either way - I will write on!

Well January came and went rather quickly, and February seems to be going faster yet!! The snow is mostly ice now as weeks of temperatures in the 40s eclipsed most of these months, however, Jack Frost seems to be putting up a fight as temps have dropped into the negatives this week. This just in, I could totally be a weather/news anchor (If you missed why, please revert back to the beginning of this post) ;P

For those who don't yet know or for those who need the reminder, I will be embarking on a trip to the homelands, to my roots, to my 406!! yes, folks! In 11 sweet sweet days from now I will be on Montana soil. I hope to find time to visit with you all, but more than likely, with spring break in the mix - that just isn't going to happen and for that, there is Alaska Airlines!! (hint hint, wink wink)

I'm learning my limits at work - actually, it's more like I am learning my frustration tolerance, and for some things, it's really quite short. I was reminded that I can't reason with a 5 year old and that how I talk to them and treat them largely helps them form their view of the world. Do you highlight the things the kids in your life are doing by lifting them up in praise and encouragement or are you spending the majority of the time focused on correcting the wrong and negative things (don't get me wrong here, I do believe in there being a place and time for disciple and consequences.) There is a model schools are taking on here called PBIS which stands for Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports for the foundation of disciplinary action. It focuses on specific expectations and what we want youth to do and rewarding them for the desired behavior, through verbal affirmation, a fuzzy little pom pom, a high five, etc. It's rather cool, as it crosses all environments in detail broken into 3 simple key words: Safe, Responsible and Respectful. Each student knows how to behave accordingly in the classroom, the hallway, the lunch room, the bus, the lobby to meet the domains of being safe, being responsible and being respectful.

I encourage you all to look at your relationships, with friends, family, coworkers - are you praising them, stirring each other up to keep on keepin' on? It's easy to point out the errors, the hardships, the complaints, the negatives, but that's where we get stuck, isn't it? digging deeper into bitterness, complacency and disgust with ourselves and each other, our jobs, the weather, traffic, gov't, healthcare, rights. Step out. Lift your head to see the beauty around us, the little things like a child's laugh, the beauty of grey hair (I'm serious - this world says that aging is a horrible thing - but I find beauty in it.) Go on a search for the gold at the end of the rainbow, dance in the rain, stand in the silence of a snow shower. Walk down town watching the fast pace life in the traffic and the slow meanderings of those on a stroll. Curl up on the couch with your soul mate and work on a crossword problem or sudoku and learn to tap into the life skill of teamwork that seems to be evading all of us.

Much Love,
Rachel

the best is yet to come

I was driving to a friend’s house the other night to join her family for their weekly Saturday night Pizza feast. I’m not kidding on the feast part; there were at least 8 or maybe 10 homemade from scratch with the freshest of ingredients for just as many eaters. Anyways, on this drive, the sun was setting, Audrey Assad was hosting a personal concert in my Jeep and in the distance, and I saw fireworks. Literally, which seemed to have awakened in me the realization of the joy and peace I have in my heart and soul which continued to be revealed throughout the evening as conversation rallied between various topics of history and current events. It’s refreshing to talk about work and collaborate on various views of the school system, social construct and family ties and the implications that has on today’s youth from the food that is served to the very structure that education takes on with the No Child Left Behind Act.

There was a guest who was an elderly gentleman and every time I looked at his face all I could see was the face of T. Moe, one of the residents from the Lodge. I couldn’t help but smile at him bashfully like a child with a grand secret. I looked over at my friend Melissa repeatedly through the night bright eyed and probably bordering on the cusp of shedding a longing tear for my dear residents and the fond memories I hold so close to my heart. Ask any of the kitchen staff at camp and my rants on the elderly are gold.

If you remember back, one of my resolutions was to become more organized – which means I have to take the time and put forth energy to put things away regularly and well – I can boil it down to 2 things: Urgency and Assertiveness. Urgency: be mindful of the time it takes to do something (so simple such as putting my dirty clothes in the clothes bin rather than the middle of my floor) or putting my clean clothes away right out of the dryer, putting books back on the shelf. A banker friend of mine once advised me to live by the “30 second rule” which is this: if it takes 30 seconds or less to put away DO It IMMEDIATELY!!! Which really makes sense in the long run – a bunch of 30 second items are going to add up over time to becoming 20 minutes of work or more!! (I can see my Dad throwing his hands up praising the Lord that it may have finally sunk it – but he’s also more than likely saying “I’ll believe it when I see it”) HAHA. Assertiveness: I would explain this as owning it. Being confident and utilizing the resources you have to get it done – in other words the 4 little minions roaming around the house who want to hang out in my room all the time and actually offer to help me clean. Just Kidding. I am learning to have a sense of pride in the order of my room. I have a lot of stuff – from clothes, books, office stuff, toiletries, and craft supplies shelved into a small space – but when it’s all put away – my room is actually a fun place to hang out in with the munchkins or by myself, and there is room to breathe – plus it’s not on the never ending To Do List like working out and doing the dishes and laundry.

I am taking small steps toward self-improvement, plus, I’m finding that with all the stress of not knowing where the thumbtacks on my floor are or completing a goliath leap from hallway to bed gone I have more creative flow to put towards a gorgeous blank canvas. FREEDOM and I have a hunch the best is yet to come!

It’s been reaching record highs here lately – I think we are going into our second straight week of temperatures in the mid to high 40s. People in Homer, AK are actually mowing their lawns, the bears are rousing from their slumber, the river is breaking up and well – it’s still only January. I am a little mad about it, but it’s nice not having to wear my coat :P

So far I have only slipped and fallen 3 times (2 of them should be illegitimate but I will let you decide for yourself) The first I was walking up the 4 steps to my office with coffee cup in hand – I caught my toe and down I went. The second, I had taken my clients ice skating and didn’t fall once!! That was a proud day for me (for quite a few reasons). Anyways, I had to deliver a kiddo to a sandwich shop and upon taking 3 steps into the dining room of this fine establishment (which was FULL of strangers) I had successfully concluded that gravity still does exist and that cement is still very hard. Finally, and most recently, I was walking around the lake with a friend of mine and with all the melting ice, I went down. A few weeks back, I was encouraged to throw my hands up and yell “Go Team USA” when such times occur – but I forgot.

I guess that’s all for now, that I can think of anyway. Hope you are all doing well.
Many Blessings & Much Love,
Rachel

Sense of it all

I got a text today from a friend informing me that a girl we grew up with from an early age and played softball with passed away. What's worse is that she took her own life. Stop. Don't you dare judge, saying it was selfish and whatnot. Put yourself in her shoes. What depth of pain and loneliness accompanied her? How many hopeless nights did she spend awake trying to find an awakening in her soul? How many days did she go about the mundane with the facade that everything is alright? I'm not patronizing her, I'm not making her out to be a hero or a villain...I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

I hope your soul has found the rest it was longing for.

Much Love,
Rachel

Lyrics

These words brought comfort and healing this weekend over strife at work this week....read through them, youtube the song, dance and let is all go. Much Love, Rachel

Live Like A Warrior by MATISYAHU

Feel like the world don't love you
They only want to push you away
Some days people don't see you
You feel like you're in the way
Today you feel, as if everyone hates
Pointing their fingers, looking at your mistakes
You do good, they want great
No matter what you give they still want to take
Give your love and they throw it back
You give your heart they go on attack
When there's nothing left for you,
Only thing that you can do, say

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Fight like a Warrior,

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Live like a Warrior

Some things you should let go, they're only gonna pull you down,
Just like weight on your shoulder they are only gonna make you drown
We all swing high, we all swing low,
We all got secrets people don't know
We all got dreams we can't let go,
We want to brave, Don't be afraid
Ohh

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Fight like a Warrior,

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Live like a Warrior

Your heart is too heavy from things you carry a long time,
You been up you been down, tired and you don't know why,
But you're never gonna go back, you only live one life
Let go, let go, let goooooo, Let go, let go, let goooooo,

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Fight like a Warrior,

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Live like a Warrior

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Fight like a Warrior,

Today, today, live like you wanna,
Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, in a fire, in a fire,
Live like a Warrior

January: a new beginning

We have made it to 2014! Remember when 2000 was the verge of the World's doom? Haha. In a way it is I suppose, as I look around there is a loss of wonder and adventure in youths these days.  Last night at the stroke of midnight there was a gathering of folk to toss around a tennis ball soaked with lighter fluid and lit.   The children that were around took more interest in playing on an iPad than with fire.

I fear that as time continues, this sickening dependence on electronics will further separate people from unity and harmony. Sitting in a room with friends begins to become uncomfortable without the screen to hide behind as a blanket gives security to an infant. Am I alone in this? Am I blowing smoke into the wind for seeing this in my own life. That as I type this on my phone, my friend is putting together an appliance and I have yet to offer my assistance.

So with the new year, comes new ambitions. A fresh start. A new beginning.
I want to be in the moment and present amongst family and friends and even strangers. I want to be less dependent on my smart phone for keeping me company and amused.

To do this? Burn the phone! Drown it in the river! Maybe that day will come, but for now I can get rid of the social applications, despite the numerous petty reasons to keep them. I can learn to shut off my phone, pick up a book, my paint brushes, my needles and yarn....go for a walk or run.  Learn to enjoy the silence and solitude and embrace it rather than avoid it.

I don't want to be a zombie or raise little zombies when I have that opportunity come. I want to be a physically and socially active woman and mom teaching my kids the art of making forts inside/outside and play make believe and limit the garbage of social media.

Time to implement those changes.
Much Love, Rachel