awareness

hey friends. I am wondering how many of you are familiar with the organization: To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). The reason I ask is that the month of March is when this organization was launched in 2006. It's purpose is to "present hope for people struggling with addiction, depression, self-injury and thoughts of suicide while also investing directly into treatment and recovery."

These subjects are hard to speak out about, especially self-harm and suicide. They are ugly truths and realities for people dealing with hurt and pain and sometimes injustice they have experienced. I can't speak for the reasons why these are the avenues used to cope or express themselves with, all I know is that it's very real and sometimes very well hidden.

I myself have walked along side a friend who, for her own reasons took a steak knife to her wrist. My heart was wrought with questions rooted in not understanding and fear but rather than building a wall of defense in self-protection and instead of simply turning my head in the direction of turning a blind eye or indifference, I engaged in the battle of trying to rescue, help, encourage her to seek a healthier way to process. Since these events of high school, I have heard many stories of other young ladies who have familiarized themselves with this manner. I'm not glorifying them. I'm not patronizing them. I'm speaking out to the realities of the brokenness in us all.

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I can't help but think about how my Savior would engage. I don't see him running the other way, in fact, I see him going straight to the thick of it. I understand that not everyone is purposed and geared towards helping in an manner that is "hands on" and I understand too that not everyone views issues such as these with as much empathy as others. But my heart is moved for the broken hearted. My heart aches for those who think they have no other option to express, cope or process life than to harm themselves with foreign objects, with substances, food, whatever it may be.

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TWLOHA is putting on a 5k walk/run to raise awareness and support for those struggling and fighting. This event is special in that while it is taking place in Florida, the rest of the United States, and possibly world has the opportunity to participate "virtually" where they are at, in their own communities. so if you are moved to investigate more about this organization: GREAT! if you are motivated to participate in this event: GREAT! if you are motivated to pass this up but get more active with a different organization fighting for a cause: that's GREAT too!

please visit: follow the events link to find the 5k being held on April 18th.

as always....Much Love,
Rach

Loving others

This week has been hard, not physically but mentally and emotionally. My heart attitude wasn't one where I was overly focused on others, loving on them, taking the time to listen to them, to care for them. Have you ever known this struggle? It seems to creep up slowly with it's foot in the door of my heart and when I get tired, it slams the door hard in the faces of my "neighbors" and myself. My heart turns to stone almost, and when I try to pry that door open again, it's like turning your car over on a frigid early morning, gears grinding. Guys, the struggle to love others is real, and it's hard. But what did Jesus say is the second greatest commandment? "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Today at work, as a barrier, I plugged into my iPod and listened to podcasts by a church in Portland, I was introduced to this past summer while visiting a dear old friend on my journey to Montana from Alaska. Message after message was about relationships with others, close friends, actual neighbors, coworkers who are neighbors, strangers, everyone and anyone believers and unbelievers whom we come into contact. With each word compassionately being spoken into the earbud, I was being exposed. Faces of residents, family, friends, community members became present with a sting in my heart of mistreatment. Most of these "mistreatments" weren't said aloud to their face, if said aloud at all. But my friends, does the Lord not know our thoughts from afar? (read Psalm 139)

Love your neighbor as yourself.

what does that look like? what does that feel like?

Returning to Camp

This letter is difficult for me to write as my initial heart attitude is to be self-reliant, yet here I am stepping out in faith, allowing God to step in and provide.

Dear family and friends,

Many of you know that the majority of my time spent in Alaska was centered on ministry at Solid Rock Bible Camp. I was first introduced to camp fresh out of high school in 2007 as part of a teen work group, sent to assist in the preparation of camp. I was there for a week and fell in love. In 2011, I attended camp as a Counselor, sharing for the first time, my faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Again, at the end of my time there, my love for Alaska and Solid Rock grew. In 2013, I moved to Soldotna, AK to work at camp as a cook. Over the winter, I lived at camp with a family that has been influential to my spiritual growth. I was working for an organization that served youth and families in the area and while this organization meant well in their purpose, I soon realized that they were missing a key ingredient to health and healing and that was the hope of Christ. Other circumstances in the spring changed in my personal life and I chose to leave this organization, with the intention of returning to Montana at the end of the summer in 2014. While I was considering my options on how to utilize my time over the summer, it was strongly suggested that I return to camp and serve there as a counselor. To be honest, I was resistant towards the idea of camp, I wanted to be free to play and do “self-care”. In the end, abandoning my plan was the best decision I have made as it has transformed my life. I constantly found myself praying and seeking God to renew my strength and energy multiple times each day of each week to love and enjoy each of the campers and staff. The Lord provided. I found myself learning things about God and his word in chapel’s formatted to be understood by 6 year olds. I was challenged to open the Bible and digest the word so that I could feed others. I can say that I have grown more in these nine weeks than I have most of my life.

Currently, in church and a college group I attend, we have been studying the “Good News” and the Great Commission: “Go therefore and make Disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.” As believers in Christ’s death and resurrection, we are ALL called to this; we are all responsible to this. For some that looks like going across the Globe. For others that means traveling across the U.S. But for the majority, it’s walking across the street. Talking to our coworkers. For me, while I am building relationships and seeking opportunities with coworkers and residents of the facility that I work at, I feel called and lead to continue serving my summers at Solid Rock with the hopes of sharing the Good News and making disciples as well as growing in my own relationship with Jesus.

My time this summer will consist of one week devoted to staff training followed by seven weeks of camp, meaning that for eight weeks this summer; I will be volunteering my time, energy and resources. While I am taking a break from a profitable income, I am still expected to be financially responsible for monthly expenses such as vehicle insurance, cell phone, and loans as well as travel expenses. This winter I was blessed with the ability to house sit and work 50 hours of overtime which has covered my airfare to and from Alaska, but as stated, I am still in need.
It is my prayer that you join with my in praying for the staff and campers this summer first and foremost, that the Lord would prepare our hearts and equip us in the coming months for the summer, that we would be eager to extend love to the kiddos that come to camp as well as obedient to the Lord in sharing the Truth. Pray too that the camper’s hearts would be open to receiving the word, that seeds would be planted, watered or harvested in Salvation.

Please prayerfully consider partnering with me financially, as my goal is to raise $1,000.00 to cover the cost of my monthly expenses. I am in the process of knitting/crocheting coffee cup cozies, dish rags and other goods to sell to help reach this goal. I am also willing to do yard work, house sit, housekeeping, pet care and other chores.
I leave May 17th and return to Bozeman August 2nd. Yes, this is longer than the seven weeks of camp, in part because I intend on spending a week in Anchorage ministering to a friend who is far from the Lord, but ever searching. Please pray for this time, that I would be gentle and loving, but bold in presenting the Gospel.

Much Love,
Rachel Rehbein

You may contact me on Facebook or by phone to schedule or obtain more information.

Financial support should be mailed to:

Solid Rock Ministries (Checks made payable to Solid Rock Ministries with the Memo stating my name)
36251 Solid Rock Rd #1
Soldotna, AK 99669

Housekeeping Life Lessons: 1

There was a gentleman who moved into the facility not too long before I moved to Alaska. He was never a rude man, just very quiet, keeping to himself. I would often say "hi" in passing with a smile and no return of recognition of existence in return. I thought, maybe he was extremely hard of hearing, so I would speak louder and slower. Occasionally I would get eye contact. PROGRESS!!! Anyways, today, I had the pleasure of cleaning his apartment and the entire time He talked about this that and the next. The health issues of his wife, how the health industry handles cancer and some lady in Canada that made an herbal solution that healed him from his cancer and his craft (most of it I didn't understand quite honestly). I was a little taken back by it especially by the time I was finished when he seemed sad that I was leaving.

Maybe this man is just lonely?
Maybe he is frustrated with the lack of ease in conversation. IE: hearing loss, loss of voice control as far as volume.....
Maybe this that or the next but one thing I am sure of.....

Is that for each of my residents that are present when I am cleaning, for the 30-45 minutes I am there, in some fashion, I am their companion. Their confidant. And that is pretty cool.


Much Love,
Rach

where my mind wanders

Most nights I am able to fall asleep fairly quickly and allow my subconscious to rule the night with thoughts that allow only minimal rest. Then there are nights like tonight where my mind is consciously writhing in deep thought, searching for answers and truth about something that happened last week.

A friend of mine, Joanna and I are reading through 1 Kings and we discussed the first 3 chapters. In chapter 3 God allows King Solomon to ask for whatever he wants. God literally comes to him in a dream and says, "Ask what I can give you." (1 Kings 3:5 ESV). Solomon, who was new to being King, asked for wisdom to discern between good and evil to govern the people.

This is what I was pondering this night, when I was hoping to be sleeping. I was considering, the daily life application of Solomon's request. The heart attitude of Solomon, who had a substantial authority over a large sum of people asked how to be a good leader. He didn't ask for riches or fame or _________________. So then, I asked myself, if given the opportunity to ask for anything, with the guarantee that I would get it, what would I ask for? Would I have the same heart attitude as Solomon or would I be self seeking. I was then reminded of an incident that happened at camp this summer, where 2 girls were both wanting sweatshirts but both were short of funds. One was a few dollars short and stated she would be willing to work around camp to pay off the difference where as the other girl who was more than half short, wasn't. Heart Attitude. Which spun me into my outlook at my current position as a housekeeper at an Assisted Living facility. It's not a glamorous job by any means. I bust my butt, making beds, laundering sheets, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing toilets, moping floors - the works. It would be easy for me to check out, mentally. Pop in my headphones and crank out my work and be done with it...OR...I could be open to receiving life lessons. What it means to be a servant. What it means to have a servant's heart.

Then I started broadening my scope. What areas of life when there are choices to make am I selfishly thinking of me first and not others? Or more importantly without a mindfulness of God? Sadly, this reality is most of the time, even in the little things.


Much Love,
Rachel




On a side note, this passage of Scripture points to how God is a relational God. He cares for us and allows us to make choices. (Finish reading Chapter 3 of 1 Kings)

collections

For most of you, you know that Organization is something that I struggle with to the depths of my core.

I could use help! I have papers from high school that I have held onto for who knows what reason. I have text books that I keep for "just in case". I have piles of books that I have wanted to read since high school and magazines that I looked through only once or twice. Don't get me started on the knickknacks of dried flowers, music boxes, and other trinkets. I find myself making ground in one area to only discover a domineering pile standing behind me. I'm trying to be thorough since a lot of this stuff hasn't been touched in the last year much less thought about. In which case, it's time for it to go.

How did I get this way? How did I get to be such a collector of junk. I mean really, I have receipts from my trip to Costa Rica in 2011 which at the time, I was like, "OMG I'm going to scrapbook these and keep them forever...because that one time when I bought __(fill in the item here)__." But now, I am wondering what the point of it was, because the pictures and the memories of actually doing things are so much better than a receipt typed in Spanish. <- maybe this is one of my quirks of sentiment. God help the man that wants to marry me!

I have had this idea of getting a binder to organize my monthly expenses in a really cool fashion with calendars in a Type A fashion and it's been a year since my attempt and desire for that was lit......

I have no methods of being organized which means I have no skills to remain organized once I obtain a level of order in this current state of chaos. So what I say I could use help, this is me, begging in desperation for tips, suggestions, motivation.

Much Love,
Rachel

testing

Hey guys, I'm here at AT&T looking at a tablet promotion. Not sure what to think about it. Thoughts?

Lessons Learned

I can hardly believe it's been a month since I've left Alaska, by now I'm sure the summer sun is setting by 8 or 9, robbing it's followers of their dance. I know I feel robbed without the multitude of daylight in my favor, but I press on. (Good grief, the drama in this post!! haha) For the last week and a half I have been with my grandparents, helping out around the house, and assisting in their care. It's been eye opening for me as my granddad has dementia and the reality of his struggle to hold onto information in a conversation hit me harder than expected. I blindly went into these two weeks thinking I was seasoned, as I had worked with Seniors (many of whom struggled with memory loss.) But the impact of not being remembered or of constantly having to answer for not finding an Eskimo in Alaska to marry or bring home was wearisome. I'm thankful for the time with him, though, especially breakfast,or brunch because we rarely ate before 10:30/11. He was in true form of his character, pushing the oranges on me because "they're good for what ails you" and reminding me that if I were to walk away from the table hungry that it was my fault and if there were leftovers they would be served for the next meal. :)

I have found time to slip away and venture out and figure out what this little town called Kalispell has to offer and so far - a quaint little coffee shop called Colter Coffee, it's pretty hipster but it's got the best cup of coffee I've had since my last cup of Kaladi's and the staff here are wonderful. I also searched high and low for yarn shops and have found two!! the projects are piling up, luckily, I have the time and the energy to stay busy. In Whitefish, I channeled my inner child, bought a loaf of bread and headed to the docks on the river where my brothers and I would go with my Grampa to feed the ducks. :)

The logistics of work and life are summed up as follows. Jobs applied for: 4 Apartments applied for: 1 the search continues, the hunt is strong.

This isn't how this post was supposed to flow so let's get down to it.

With the abundance of down time I have, mostly spent by myself, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this chapter in life. Reflect on where I've come, what brought me here and where I want to go. Through this time memories have flooded my soul of heart conversations with some of the most influential people in my life thus far. These lessons, at the time weren't directed at me, but I was attentive and present all the same. These lessons spoke to relationships, to life's focus and the driving forces that I let guide my direction. These lessons are things that I know have to apply. I feel like for so long, I have stood on the coattails of others, making sure that my actions met the expectations of my friends, my family, my employer regardless of my inner agreement to them - because keeping a smile on my face and keeping the peace is easier than to wade through the muck and bullsh*t. Prime example. I was asked "How are you?" I out of practice said, "I'm good." My simple robotic response was flagged with a follow up of "really?" answering honestly, "actually no. I'm really tired, it's been a hard week." The "I'm good" is a front, to refrain exposing myself - it has been for years. Another conversation that has recently been brought to my memory was one in 2011 that I finally understand, I was asked if my relationship with my best friend is a good one FOR me. Is the relationship healthy, is it producing fruit in my life that are good or is there poison. I still believe and forever will that yes, it is. But I have since applied that question to the other relationships in my life, I have my pruner in hand and am ready to purge my life of those rotten relationships. My focus is on the cross. Today I was reading from Romans 6. Romans 6:16 spoke loudly to my soul "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness." then in verse 21, "But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."

So I challenge you, whoever you may be. Test the fruit in your life; is it good to eat nourishing and enriching you or is it rotten and by entertaining it are poisoning yourself?

Much Love,
Rach

Fall Upon Us

I have made it back to the lower 48, back to Montana, and for the time being - back to Bozeman. I left Alaska on the 18th of August and after 50 hours of driving, my friends and I arrived in Washington. My bestie and I spent the next 4 days in Portland, OR hanging out with a dear friend from our growing up days. We went to the zoo, played at my most favorite place on the planet: the beach and had other ridiculous adventures.

I have been in Bozeman for a week and have drawn these conclusions. 1. hiking with out the fear of bear is wonderful. 2. it's too hot here, i'm increasingly ready for fall temps. 3. Bozeman no longer holds that "home" feeling but rather feelings of being stuck.

Quick Hits about my current ways of spending the time:
I am in the midst of searching for employment and housing in Missoula.
I am teaching myself to play guitar.
I still want a therapy dog.
Finding a decent cup of coffee around here is the most difficult challenge. (KBC - I miss you and your Kaladi Americano)
EVERYTHING IS CHEAP!!
Facebook and Pinterest absorb my time and energy as I continue to refuse turning on the TV.

For all of you that know about my longstanding cough. I finally went to the Dr. and was prescribed an antibiotic for a Bacterial infection in my lungs. Once I started that script, I was attached by what seemed to be a sinus and ear infection, but as I continue with the meds, all the symptoms seem to be going down as well. I cough less frequently (but still violently) and the ear pain and the throat pain and the stuffiness are subsiding.

My goals are still very much to first find a solid church. second join a bible study and third find someone to disciple me. I am looking forward to this coming Sunday and returning to the church I have attended for over a year (previous to my adventures in Alaska)

Well, despite having my resume updated, I still have to apply for a few jobs and look for apartments.

Much Love,
Rach

Week 1

First week of camp completed!! It was a primary camp where the kids were 7 and 8 years old. I had 8 out of 32 campers. We slept in a covered wagon and it rained for most of the time, but you all know that I don't mind that much. I wasn't partial to being cold though.

I'm some kind of tired though being up by 645 and not going to be until midnight or so. This makes Saturday's a joy when I can be in bed by 8 or 9. (although it's 9pm now and I'm not in bed)

This week drew parallels between working for PCHS and Camp with the major outlier being the subject of Jesus Christ. It's wonderful being able to share the good news without getting a snide comment or look and not feeling the fear of being caught. I thought to myself, this is an environment I enjoy.

Anyways, this is a short and sweet update.

Much Love,
Rach

Summer 2014

Oh wow!! It's June....but mid June. And there are so many changes.

I'll start at the beginning. Chad (my Alaska Dad) sat me down and called me out on my crap. If you don't have someone in your life who does this - find one, if you have someone - keep them. The brutal honesty and insight Chad has comes in the most loving way, he asks questions that cause me to reflect and give an account for my thought processes and actions and he then lines it up biblically and points out the inconsistencies and encourages change. These sessions are brutal because I can't get away with being a mere listener.

So there I was perched on the couch, wanting to avoid the conversation to escape the vulnerability and accountability but I also was excited for it because I knew that I needed it.

The result: I came to the acceptance that I haven't been living my life in a fashion that is mindful of God and that due to that, I was "chasing after the wind" looking for satisfaction and fulfillment and identity in things that aren't that important.

That next day: I did something radical.

I quit my job. I put my two weeks in and decided to put off my own selfish desires to work again at Solid Rock Bible Camp. I am here to grow. I am here to serve. Quitting my job was easy. The deciding to commit to camp was difficult. I could have had a fun summer, playing softball, fishing, babysitting and just generally hanging out. But I have committed to something greater. I have committed the next nine weeks to getting to know God. To telling kids about his love.

I am in the midst of training to be a lifeguard. I haven't had a strong desire to be a lifeguard ever but the opportunity arose and it was asked of me by several people for several reasons to consider it. I, being a helper, and one who likes a challenge went for it. It has been a humbling experience. I was a distressed swimmer potential active drownder as a child which I believe has lead to a mental block of diving to the bottom of the deep end.... I also made a connection of this to my not liking my face under the faucet in the shower. Anyways, I struggled and fought with my self worth. I was pissed that out of 9, I was the only one who couldn't get it. So I got out of the pool, punched a wall, took a deep breath and accepted it. I then got a 10# brick and started sinking myself in the shallow water to acclimate myself...its getting easier. However I am going for a "shallow water lifeguard" certification. Don't laugh, it sounds lame but I could save your life sometime....

Today was the staff swim test. It includes swamping a canoe and swimming across the deep end of the swimming area. However, for the lifeguard trainees, we had to do a line search. Starting elbow to elbow we dove straight down and searched the murky bottom with our hands and eyes. The actual process is complex.  It's given me a sense of accomplishment and strength and great responsibility.  It's not official yet as I still have CPR and First Aid as well as the exam. I'm part of a team though, the 9 of us are a crew.

Anyways, camp officially starts tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to it. Feel free to send me a letter at:

36251 Solid Rock Rd #1
Soldotna, AK 99669

Here's to summer 2014!

Much Love!!
Rach

Maintain Consciousness

How has the time escaped me? How has it been a year since celebrating a beautiful couple devoting themselves to each other for life. Congratulations Laurynn and James on your 1st Anniversary of Holy Matrimony!! :)

But here's an update, School's out for the summer. It ended on Wednesday and my goodness, I'm certain the children would have been out for blood if it was any longer. HAHA, but I kid you not, all the students were loco crazy, unable to focus. I found myself in wonder about it not being so long ago that it was I in their shoes, itching to be outside, wiggling in my chair counting down the minutes for that final bell to signal the sweet sweet freedom of summer vacation.

I have gotten asked what I will be doing this summer now that school is out and here's the deal. I am still working with clients as we transition into a summer program that continues to offer support and therapeutic activities over the summer days to build continuity into their lives. I move into a 4 - 10hr day schedule freeing up my weekends for ample fishing, hiking and iced coffee drinking!

If you are friends of mine on Facebook, you have probably seen my constant updates of a fire in the area and honestly, folks, it's a little scary. What started out last week as a campfire that wasn't put out all the way has now consumed over 100,000 acres and is still raging. With the dry conditions and high winds, it hasn't been getting better. Thankfully most of the burn has occurred in the Wildlife Refuge and the new vegetation that will result will promote moose populations. However, evacuations have been issued and people are at risk of losing their homes and possessions. If you are the praying kind, please be praying for safety for the fire fighters, helo and air supports as well as the families. Pray also for rain. The whole state needs it, but the aid it would bring to smoldering out this fire as it's only 20% contained. If you want to keep updated and informed, Google: Funny River Fire.

I will be posting again shortly. But for now, my room needs some serious TLC.

Much Love,
Rachel

Warriors with Childlike Tenaciousness

As I have said before, my job is quite taxing. Mentally. Emotionally. Sometimes even physically. This week was no exception. Monday was the Monday of Mondays and the rest of the week always seemed like it should have be Friday. The week wasn't difficult with clients, but more with conflict with staff and the stress of getting prepared for Summer Program. Earlier in the week I emailed Becky a subject line reading: SELF CARE and the body of the message: Paint Fight.

Words can't really describe what occurred in the events leading up to but basically we were in clothes waiting to be trashed, a leaky super soaker with watered down paint, a paper plate full of paint and the rest in a bag....driving around finding the perfect location - which of course was on the other side of a NO TRESPASSING sign.

From that point on - the pictures can speak for themselves.



Youthful Exuberance. Bliss. I haven't laughed this hard for weeks. It was very therapeutic and good for the soul. What happened next astonished me. Becky said, "hey! let's go to Fred's and conduct a social experiment." So off we went, still wet with our outrageous paint job and the reactions that ensued were shocking. Some disheartening. Others were encouraging, inspiring. They all held one thing in common: they were all REAL. We were passed by individuals whose gaze was locked straight ahead, not daring to challenge our eyes, not willing to match our smiles. One gentleman, said "WOAH! gave us a thumbs up." Multiple asked if we had just finished a color run. A few teenage girls gasped an OMG!! and later when a third party mutual friend joined them and called me out to say "hi" I of course took the opportunity to make a conversation out of it. One guy asked us to not paint his house. Children looked quizically and asked their parents for reasoning. I ran into school staff who praised us! (I can't wait for Monday afternoon). The best part was listening to Becky rally off "Bucket List: Check Mark!" while she swung her finger in the air and encouraged others to have their own.

Yes, we had a paint fight. Yes, for the hell of it. To laugh and for just because. There is far too much seriousness and rigidity in the world. As a single woman in her 20s on a Friday night, I want to be an example that fun can be had in very simple and innocent ways, ways that I would wager most people at one point in their life wanted to partake in but didn't because they couldn't step outside of conformity and comfort and pride. Was this silly? ABSOLUTELY. Was this childlike? 100%. Would I do it again? Becky and I are already planning a mudd fight before the ground dries up.

Much Love,
Rach

BreakUp

BreakUp Season to an Alaskan would be Spring in Layman's Terms to the rest of us "48ers". The rivers start flowing a little faster, and deeper. The snow melts, creating pot holes and mud puddles the size of my jeep!! The sun stays out later and later, daylight lasting upwards 14.5 hours. Temps rise around 45 degrees, slight breeze, but the real kicker is the absence of Alaska's State Bird: the Mosquito. I find myself stopping, turning, facing the sun and letting it warm my face, every opportunity that may come. Thankfully, that comes frequently as my office is set outside of the school :) I can't get over the smell though, this town stinks, not of manure on a farm either (one of Bozeman's finer qualities) but of poop. Dog poop. BLICK! Have I written about this before? FUDGE. clearly, I need some ideas about what to write about.

Much Love,
Rachel

Proclamation

I will take advantage of every sunny day after I get off work to soak up that Vit D and enjoy warmish sunny weather before the Mosquitoes suck out all the potential for enjoying such weather.

sincerely,
Rachel K. Rehbein




P.S. Much Love!!

Backpacking in the Backcountry

"Rachel, you seem like you are an outdoor kind of girl." - Laura remarked.

"well, I am but I just didn't have many opportunities to do this kind of stuff

I came to realize how much my heart doesn't match my head for a lot of things in life. A prime example would be the backpacking trip I took over the weekend. There was a Facebook chat open with us 4 adventurers, talking about who is bringing what and they (notice I didn't say "we") were listing things off: "I've got dinner" "breakfast and cooking equipment" "I'm bringing cookies and cards and TP" I said, "I'm so glad you all have it figured out" at this point I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into. Hiking, with a backpack on a bad foot?

oh yea, my foot. Let's back up to the beginning of the week. I went running Sunday and Monday with the hopes of getting semi in shape for the Beat Beethoven 5k in a few weeks in Fairbanks but during which I somehow did something to injure myself (and everyone shakes their head in pitiful sorrow and shame for my incredible ability to inflict accidental self harm.) Anyways, the pain in quite intense that walking has been made difficult for a week now. Yes, I went to the Dr. and what a waste of time and money!! No suggestions of care except - "don't run. and when you do run, take it easy." My flippant response, "No Shhhhht Sherlock."

Now let's flash forward to Friday, at work hobbling around, slightly stressing because, during my lunch break I go to the store for "lunch" but also to pick up sunglasses,water bottle, and protein bars. I get off the clock at 3:30, have a 10 minute drive home which along the way, I have to make a stop at the bestie's house to get her gear so that I have gear to go on this trip. I get packed and start thinking, "hmmmm, am I going to be warm enough? what exactly should I be taking? I feel like I wont be sharing the load with the others as I'm not bringing anything to share for the good of the group." Laura comes. She, Steph and I pile in my recently "cleaned" car. ahem* yes, so we pick up Val and are on our way. An hour later and we are at the parking lot strapping up and getting ready to go.

*snap* group selfie!! :) in order L to R: This writer, Laura, Steph and Val

And we were off, 4 miles to go! I used Nike+ on my phone to track our progress and instantly we were accompanied by Faure Op. 16. (I disagree that this piece is appropriate for running to, however, a lovely walk in the woods added to the ambiance.)

The trail was flat and hidden with snow and ice, so the ice cleats came in handy, especially when they were worn correctly. We came to a split in the Trail: summer or winter. Let's go winter! Straight through a swamp, marshland the perfect dwelling for Moose. The end of the trail was a lake. Frozen aside from where the river was running into it. The debate started, do we turn back or cross? On we went, crossing the lake with a "wabump" sound in the distance. It was a little eerie but it was the ice forming and shifting. Laura booked it across, leaving us behind. We shouted for her to have the fire going and dinner ready but that went unheard.

We made it to Barber cabin, 4 miles in 2 hours. Time to unload, eat and get warm. We were in bed by 10pm trying to get warm. I fell asleep first. Predictable. Breakfast soon came as did the realization of how sore we would all be for the rest of the weekend. We said farewell to the cozy cabin and started the hike out which we encountered the remains of an avalanche covering the trail.

At last we found ourselves back at the Jeep and all too excited to be sitting for the next hour on the drive back home.

Sightings:
Bears: None
Moose: None
Other Wildlife: None
People: Enough

The next trip sounds like it could be a sea kayak trip across the cove in Homer, AK. :)

So why doesn't my head match my heart? Because, my heart loves and longs for the outdoors and these adventures but my head has no knowledge of how to pack, or what gear is needed. I only own cotton, and tennis shoes.

But anyways, This chick is signing off to take a snooze before the work week begins again.
Much Love,
Rachel

Cravings

And not of the food variety; but for life. For experience.

I found myself in a bookstore today in downtown Bozeman scanning the shelves for anything, nothing in particular. Only a few things stood out amongst the masses. I'm a self declared book whore which I take to mean I collect them, regardless of age, binding, cover, if their pages hold a story in type or if they lay in wait for nonsensical thoughts to be penned down, I want it.  This entry too got its beginning as chicken scratch in a blank note book comprised of compressed trees.

I at any given time have a stack of books long awaiting their time to be turned over, exposing their own brilliance and beauty in the magnitude of secrecy, truth and adventure they hold.

So why don't I read more??

Because I crave experiences not just of reading but writing and creating something with paint or yarn, of exploring the wild through hiking and fishing. And I crave human interaction. Spending time with others, sharing laughter and tears and fits of rage through stories and rants and questions.

And finding a balance for all of this is a massive struggle which I'm searching for ways to enjoy and partake in each without overly neglecting the next.

Your suggestions are most welcome.
Much Love,
Rach

Analogies try 2 (the first wouldn't post)

I know I have mentioned in previous posts about flow. I was struck by it again last week but it wasn't my typical creative artistic flow and desire to pick up my brushes to lay out a outdoor scene. It came in two forms: first was through drawing, abstract (for me anyways) using color as a means to further extract meaning and depth of understanding that the paper was saturated with. Has your coocoo alarm sounded yet? Mine did, but I guess each has the responsibility to credit or dismiss such inspiration on their own accord. I read into it enough to gain truths about myself that were somewhat known to me and familiar, just seeing them illustrated was a little bizarre.

The second was during an early morning routine at work where I casually grab a Rubik cube and manipulate it, twisting and turning it trying to put it right again. This perplexing moment, a bitterly sour question arose in my stomach: can a Rubik's cube ever be made whole again? This question and this Rubik cube went deeper than just a child's toy, for me it began to appear as a reflection of the lives of those I work with, children, who many have been exposed to neglect and abuse.  I probed my coworker and this was our conversation:

Can a Rubik cube ever be made whole again?

B - I don't think so....a Rubik's cube is a metaphor for life... if you manhandle it enough to the point it breaks.... it will never be whole again.

And while it isn't broken, it still twists and turns and morphs and changes with the influence of those around it - but isn't whole or perfect.

B - exactly. Some people are able to get to the Rubik's secrets with ease, while others struggle... unable to ever figure it out... at times people treat the cube with such frustration that they vow never to try and solve it's problem while others swear not to until they finish the task.

I understand that some of my friends and family and other readers many think I'm delusional or in the wrong line of work for being a firm believer in Biblical truth yet being fully submerged into a world of psychology. Yes, I get it. Those two worlds don't mesh, they repel the other. But this is my position. According to Luke 5, Jesus states: “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

Yes, I'm not outwardly allowed to proclaim Christ, unless initiated by a client. Yes, if given the opportunity to (which has occurred) I will take it. Yes, I will gladly risk being written up and fired for proclaiming my faith in Christ. And finally, yes, I do believe that my clients are able to see the love of Christ in me and through me. There is a quote that says: people will forget the words you have said, but they will never forget they way you made them feel.

These kids need love and consistency and healthy/appropriate boundaries. And if I can find abstract ways to teach and show them these things while prayerfully offering my time and interactions with these kiddos to the Lord - then you better believe I will bust my butt for these kids.

Much Love,
Rachel

Home Sweet Home

Montana will always hold a sentimental homey feeling, regardless of where I spend my final days. (This isn't my eulogy, I swear).

Bozeman will hold the memories of hiking and laughter and many graduations. Bozeman will be where this childish girl began to grow into a woman, where dreams where dreamed and platforms to launch those dreams were created.

Missoula will always be home to the wrong school, regardless of their winning record (sorry, Dad). It will be the land of Hoagieville and cheese fries and root beer spins. Where people surf the river and hippies dance the streets. Cant forget Madison River Brewing Co.

The Flathead (Kalispell and Whitefish) will be full of regrets of not cherishing my grandparents until I was no longer a child.  It has been within the last 5 trips that I have come to appreciate and look forward to seeing Grandma and Granddad and my Gramps. And "oh my gosh" this of course includes my crazy aunts (crazy because they are chalk full of life and spunk).

Helena is land of the uncles and aunts and cousins.

I have spent the last week and a half visiting with family and friends, young and old. Reminiscing the laundry list of "remember when.." Making new memories, like sitting in Perkins playing games, getting scolded by my grandma for forgetting the beer and shopping with mom till my legs couldn't take another step.

Montana isn't my "old" home, it is home. These memories, these people, these places are home. So until I see you again, I carry you in my heart.

Much Love,
Rachel

Making Connections

I have flown enough to know the dynamics of uncomfortably sitting centimeters away from another person, if you are lucky enough to get the window or aisle seat otherwise you are sandwiched. Your options; engage in conversation with this stranger or plug in the tunes, fall asleep or pretend you can't hear or speak English. I tend for the latter. Give me my tunes, my beats, and my zzz's. But today was different, I engaged and from it came stories and laughter and a connection with another human being. We laughed until the other snorted, we shared experiences and knowledge and trivial things, there was empathy and encouragement and praise and education. There was a sense of vulnerability in it for me, as I tend to keep people at a safe distance, especially strangers. Today was good though, it was growth. It was me being socially assertive (in part due to lack of sleep.) It was revealed to me a sense of insecurity I have in myself as the gentleman pointed out I covered my face in my hands or shirt every time I laughed and smiled. He pointed it out with a gentle concern.

I'm appreciative of this time.

On another note!! I'm in the snowy 406!!! And its about 45 to 50 degrees colder here than it is in Alaska. And here I was thinking it was "spring break" well played Montana, well played.

So freaking excited to see and hang out with my friends and family!!!!

Much Love!
Rach